My brother sent this to me in an email thought I would share it with all of you. It's pretty scary stuff!

Desari

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs.
> 2007Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls
> into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.1957 - Vice
> Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes
> to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.2007 - School
> goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and
> never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
> traumatized students and teachers. Scenario: Johnny and Mark
> get into a fistfight after school.1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark
> wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.2007 -
> Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
> Charge them with assault, both expelled even though
> Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in
> class, disrupts other students.1957 - Jeffrey sent to office
> and given a good paddling by
the Principal. Returns to class,
> sits still and does not disrupt class again.2007 - Jeffrey
> given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie.Tested for
> ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a
> disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his
> neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his
> belt.1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up
> normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful
> businessman.2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child
> abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State
> psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers
> being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
> Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. Scenario: Mark
> gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.1957 - Mark
> shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.2007 -
> Police called, Mark expelled from
school for drug violations.
> Car searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario: Pedro fails
> high school English.1957 - Pedro goes to summer school,
> passes English, goes to college.2007 - Pedro's cause is
> taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally
> explaining that teaching English as a requirement
> for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit
> against state school system and Pedro's English teacher.
> English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma
> anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he
> cannot speak English. Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover
> firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane
> paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.1957 - Ants die.2007-
> BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged
> with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings
> removed from home, computers
confiscated, Johnny's Dad
> goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly
> again. Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess
> and scrapes his knee.He is found crying by his teacher,
> Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.1957 - In a short time,
> Johnny feels better and goes on playing.2007 - Mary is
> accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
> faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of
> therapy. This should hit every e-mail to show how stupid we
> have become! And if we do not wake up and take our country
> back - WE will not have a country , nor a society to grow old
> in or for our children to grow up in! Think about it !

It is amazing how very dark our existence can get. As many of you will know from reading previous blogs I entered into a marriage of convience a little over a year ago. And I have slowly been spiraling downward every since. Why would I put myself through this you ask. Two very good reasons. My daughters ages 7 and 5 years. I was a single Mom for a very long time struggling to get by. I kept waiting for the right man to show up but he never appeared and with each year spent alone I lost hope until there was no hope left in me. I chose to marry a close friend that I had absolutely no sexual interest in. I was worn out and had given up all hope of ever finding my soul mate. The marriage as many of you have read in previous blogs has turned into one hellish existence. Still I remain on this path as time slowly eats away at my very soul. I’ve found that it is very possible to live like this. While this situation is emotionally draining our basic needs are being met. My husband earns a decent living that pays the bills and keeps a roof over our heads. My kids have good medical insurance and for the first time in their lives are not in the welfare system. So this arrangement is working out well for them. Perhaps it is me that is unreasonable. I have a man who goes to work pays the bills and comes home to me. All of my basic needs are being met. I could be a lot worse off in the grand scheme of things. Still I am repulsed by his touch and like a common prostitute have to bite my lip to endure his unwanted touch. Yes it is amazing the lengths we will go to too survive in this world. You can live in the shadows and manage to get by. You can survive the pain of having your very soul chipped away until you are nothing more than a dry husk. If not for my two little girls I doubt I would even bother to get up anymore. I would simply lay a bed until the last of my life had faded from this world. The world can be a very harsh place and no one knows more than I. Perhaps I am asking too much of life. Maybe this is to be my lot in life. If that turns out to be the case I can only pray for an early demise. Such are the rantings of a very depressed woman. I hope all is well with all of you.

Well school has started for the year. My kids started on Tuesday. My baby starting kindergarten. It doesn't seem possible that she could be old enough to start school already. She only has to go half a day and that worries me a bit I would have rather had her go all day. I'm worried that they won't be able to get her ready for first grade next year. Still it is proving to be an easier adjustment for her because she's not away from me for very long. I had planned to start back to work once school started but this half day nonsense ended that hope. I was really looking forward to working again. I'm so tired of being cooped up at home. Still it is nice to get a couple hours a day to myself. I now have no excuse but to finish my third book. I've been slacking in the writing department and really need to focus. This will give me the opportunity to get some work done. Hope all is well with everyone. Will write more soon.

I thought I would take some time to do a little reflection on my life and it's direction. I've clearly stumbled onto yet another wrong path the story of my life I'm afraid. As some of you may know I got married nearly a year ago for all the wrong reasons. I was a single Mom struggling to raise two little girls and quite frankly completely worn out. I had a close male friend who had been there for me over the years. I had come to rely heavily on his friendship. He was a great friend but I wasn't attracted to him. But still I decided to marry him anyways. I had been alone for a very long time and I was tired of struggling to get by. So knowing it was completely wrong I got married and have been living in hell every since. At first it wasn't too bad but it quickly slid down hill. Today we are two strangers living under the same roof. We don't sleep together and never have. I spend my nights on the sofa. I've never been lucky in love. I was molested by a family member at the tender age of twelve and it cast a terrible shadow over my life. I didn't date at all in school. I remained a virgin until I was twenty-four years old. And than I had to force myself to have sex with a guy I barely knew. Than came my EX the girl's Dad. I did love him a lot but he ditched me for another woman leaving me eight months pregnant with our second child. I was torn apart by our break up and remained single until I got married. I write romance novels but in truth have never been truly loved by anyone. It's hard to go through life so terribly alone. I would warn anyone that is planning to marry to be very sure that their marrying for the right reasons. Make sure that you really love the person you are marrying because without love it is a very rocky road to travel. Getting into marriage is easy getting out when your poor is nearly impossible. I don't know if there is a guy out their waiting for me. A part of me still hopes that I have a soul mate and will one day find him. A bigger part of me has given up on love and I simply accept my lot in life. At times like now life can seem so very cruel.

I had a very interesting day on Friday. My brother is trying to find a new place to live so I went apartment shopping with him. Since I don't have a car we took his car. My brother drives a 1977 Dodge Colt that belonged to my late Grandmother. To say the least this car is old and worn out. All of us kids have driven this car at one point or another. Yes I owned it for a while as well. So me and the kids all piled into the car and we set off to look at apartments. We got half way to the first apartment on our list and Grandma's car died. Luckily we were near a park and so we pushed it into a parking lot. The kids were able to play in the park while we tried to revive the car. The main problem with the car is it goes through fuel filters like there's no tomorrow. Plus it was very hot and the car never has run well in the heat. So my brother replaced the fuel filter and we took off the air filter and dumped gas into the engine to get it started. No luck! So I called my husband who had just gotten off work and told him to come rescue us. While we were waiting we got the car started again but than it died again. So my husband arrived and helped my brother to get the car started. I wisely put my kids in the car with my husband and I rode with my brother in the old Colt. By this time we just wanted to get Grandma's car back to my place. The car seemed to run fine as we drove back to my place and I breathed a sigh of relief.On our way back to my place my brother decides in his infinite wisdom to hop on the freeway. So we start up the ramp to get on the freeway. The ramp goes up and around a corner to the left. There are to lanes on this ramp. We get up the ramp and just barely past the corner and it dies on us. We've got cars screaming past us in the left hand lane so my brother can't get out of the car. And we've got cars skidding around us as the round the corner behind us. My brother not panicking orders me out of the car to reprime the engine because he's to cheap to get towing. I have to get out of the car pop the hood, remove the air filter and poor gas into the car to try to get it restarted. All I could think was I'm going to get killed someone is going to slam into the car when they round the corner and I'm toast. My legs were shaking my hands were shaking I was nearly frozen in fear. And to make matters worse my brother is shouting instructions at me the whole time. We would get the car started and I would shut the hood and get into the car and it would stall out again. This happened several times forcing me to get out pop the hood and poor gas into the car. Cars continued to skid past us. Horns blared and tires skidded and I waited for the impact that would kill me. Finally we got the car started. I tossed the gas can in front seat and got in only to have my brother yell at me because I forgot to drop the hood. So I raced around and dropped the hood failing to latch it properly before diving back into the car. We had to drive no faster than fifty as the hood was not properly latched but we finally made it home. I nearly got out of the car and kissed the ground I was so glad to be home and still alive!! It should be noted that my brother remained safely buckled in the car throughout the incident!