I just wanted to take the time to wish everyone Happy Holidays. I am looking forward to the holidays. The tree is up and surrounded by shiny packages. The Christmas cards are mailed. And I am nearly finished with my Christmas shopping. I hope the year 2008 will be much better than this past year. I hope everyone has fun over the holidays and gets exactly what they want.

The search for one's soul mate can be long indeed. As I look back upon my life I see all the lonely years that I've endured on this earth. I see all the abuse that has been heaped upon me year after year. As a child of twelve I was molested by a family member. When I revealed the abuse to my family I was called a liar. I slipped into a deep depression and tried to end my life. I moved away from the farm I loved to live with a mother who flew into blind rages. During these rages she would beat me. I have never feared anyone as much as I feared my own mother. As a young girl on the brink of woman hood death was my constant companion. If not for the love of my grandmother I would have ended my life. As a teenager I fell for the wrong man and spent five years following in his foot steps. I continued to love him even after he married someone else. My life was nearly destroyed by him. When I finally broke away from him and I found my ex. I spent the next three years being abused by my ex. I endured terrible verbal abuse and was pushed around by him over and over. And yet I bore two children by this man. I have no regrets as I was gifted with two little Angels who I adore. I eventually managed to escape my ex and spent the next five years alone. Even after all of this I am still a romantic who believes each of us have a soul mate who is the other half of our souls. I am thirty-four and have spent my life waiting for my soul mate to find me. I know he is out there somewhere but as the endless years pass I can't help wondering whether or not I will ever find him. I have endured so much in the years I have been on this earth. I grow weary on this lonely journey. If not for my two kids I would have given up a long time ago. So I cast my prayers to the heavens once again. I call to my soul mate with all my heart. Please find me!!

I have been in contact with my publisher and they are correcting the errors in my book. So they will be publishing my complete book after all. I am so relieved that the editor was willing to work with me on this. I look forward to seeing my book in print. It would have tore me apart if the book had been published with missing sections. I have been working on this book since high school and I have a huge amount of myself invested in it. For all of you fans out there that have had a peak at my book I look forward to giving you the opportunity to finish the story. Thank you for all of your supportive emails. I've been having a rough time of late. My marriage seems to be falling apart which is my fault. I wish things could be different but it doesn't look like things will change anytime soon. A lesson to all my readers don't get married unless you are in love and feel passionate about the person your with. Marriages base on convience don't work I'm a huge example of this. And I know that at some point I'll be introducing the concept of divorce to my kids. I never should have gotten married but I got tired of waiting for my soul mate to appear. I wonder how many of us go our entire lives without meeting our soul mates. It can be very lonely being on your own for as long as I have been. So I settled for less and am now regretting it. I won't make the same mistake again. Funny I thought you got wiser as you grew up, but enough with regrets. I can't help but wonder if maybe my soul mate is out there reading this blog. Does he know how much I need him? How much my heart aches for him. If your out there reading these words know that I long for you to come to me. I will never be whole without you in this life or the next. I hope all is well with everyone. I'm looking forward to the holidays.

Well the punches just keep on coming. My publisher sent the manuscript for my book having edited it over the last couple weeks. It is terrible I feel as if I have been raped. They have taken out two thirds of the book. Now my book doesn't make a bit of sense. It's the worse piece of crap I have ever read. If my book gets published in this format I will be disgraced as a writer. I wouldn't bother to buy their version of my book. This is very painful for me as I have so much invested in this book. I sent an email to the Publisher asking them to put back the missing material and failing that I asked them not to publish my book. This is a very depressing time for me and I can't help wondering what the point is. It is a very cruel twist of fate. The name of my publisher is Publish America. I would advise all writers out there to stay away from this publisher. It makes me sick that I signed a contract with giving them rights over my book for seven years. I just want to go off somewhere and scream!!

Well my marriage has taken a turn for the of late. Matt and I have become strangers. We no longer share a bed or wear our wedding bands. I'm not sure what changed all of a sudden. Matt has become very cold and bitter of late. I think he has realized that I married him for the wrong reasons. And I think he came to this conclusion after snooping around on my computer. Whatever the reason we are now two strangers dwelling under the same roof. I have to admit I am relieved because at least I no longer have to deal him touching me. A part of me always froze up when he touched me. I wish things were different. This is not the way I pictured marriage when I was younger. I wish I had found someone I could love. The only question in my mind these days is how long this farce of a marriage will continue.